


heard you crying.

by darkerholland



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, cuddly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:20:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27327949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkerholland/pseuds/darkerholland
Summary: Felix finds a secret song and listens to it, not knowing Chan had never meant for him to ever listen to it.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 8
Kudos: 235





	heard you crying.

**Author's Note:**

> based on the song heard you crying by Michael Schulte
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzUEEgG01I4

Felix hadn’t meant to open the file. He was only copying his solo song file onto a USB-stick. It was just that the unfamiliar song was sitting in the ‘For Felix’ folder, and well, if it was for him, it was okay right? And if Chan hadn’t wanted him to listen to the song, he would have placed it in a different folder, separated from the other songs he had made for Felix.

The first few notes sounded from the speakers in Chan’s studio, but Felix quickly clicked it away. Even though he didn’t think he was doing anything wrong, he still didn’t want Chan to find out he had been going through the other songs. Some of them still weren’t finished, and Chan hated showing Felix unfinished songs.

Felix transferred the song unto the USB-stick and closed the computer again. He didn’t think about it all day. They were busy shooting the teaser images for their next comeback until late that night. Felix had barely gotten any sleep the previous few nights – entirely his own fault, he was too addicted to gaming to go to bed at a reasonable time – so he was ready to remove his make-up, have a shower and sleep until morning.

Noises in the house made it difficult to sleep. Every time he felt himself get lulled into his dreamscape, a loud noise or voice pulled him back into reality. It was still early after all, barely eight, and the boys weren’t keen on sleeping yet. Felix turned to his other side and pulled the blanket over his ear, hoping the thick duvet would block out most of the sound.

But the boys were laughing loudly, yelling at each other over who had won that round of Mario Kart and who had cheated – Jisung, apparently. His voice rose higher the more he tried to deny his dirty tricks, a clear telltale of his lies. Felix sighed and threw the blanket off, regretting it as soon as the cold air hit his body. He shivered and got up to walk around, just to warm himself up and turn the light on. He could go to the kitchen to get some sugary drink. It would provide him with energy for a few hours at least. The dorm would be quieter by then, and he’d be able to sleep. But as much as he loved the boys, he wasn’t in the mood to talk to them tonight, so he stayed in his room.

He resolved to clean out his bag. He had been using it for weeks now, and he hadn’t emptied it even once. Felix cringed at the thought of having to fish out half-eaten cookies and exploded sugar packets. Normally he was quite clean, but the last few months had been tough on his mental health.

He was in a better state than the one he had been in when had first come to Seoul. His depression had been the worse it had ever been in those first few months. With a lot of therapy and support from his groupmates, he had slowly recovered. He was a lot better now, but every so often, he still suffered from depressive episodes, and this one was taking a bit longer than he had hoped.

Felix pulled the trash can close and started emptying out the contents of his bag. Charger on the bed, empty water bottle on the floor – for recycling –, empty candy wrappers in the bin. Journal on the bed, broken bobby pins and receipts from the café in the trashcan. When the bag was empty, he held the bag over the bin and gave it a few shakes. Some of the crumbs missed the bin and landed on the floor. Felix sighed. He’d sweep it up tomorrow.

He started putting everything back again. His eyes landed on the USB-stick. _Might as well give the song a listen_ Felix thought. He put the rest of his belongings back in the bag and opened his laptop, propping his pillow up to sit in a comfortable position.

One of the songs he recognised. It was the one he and Chan had collaborated on. Felix had written the lyrics and Chan had composed the song. They had recorded the song last week, but Felix was too scared to listen to it. He was afraid he’d be disappointed with the end result, even though he completely trusted Chan to mix and edit the track like the professional he was.

The second song he had copied to the stick was called Heard You Crying. Felix had never heard Chan mention it the song to him – or any other member for that matter. So what was it doing in Felix’ file?

Felix plugged in his headphones just to make sure. He didn’t want any of the members to hear the song. It felt deserving of a private listening party, plus, he didn’t want Chan to hear it and ask questions about how he had acquired it.

Felix opened the file and clicked on play, letting the notes soothe his stress and fatigue. He closed his eyes as the first words started filling his ears.

_Hush now, you don't know how  
I would sacrifice my world for you  
Hush now, let it all pour out  
You'll be right as rain on dew_

Felix wasn’t exactly sure what he had expected, but it certainly wasn’t this. The title did suggest a heartfelt song, but something about the softness of Chan’s voice had thrown him off. He listened intently as Chan started singing the chorus.

_And I heard you crying so quietly  
And I heard you crying, won't you cry on me  
Oh, let me just hold you now all your life  
Oh and I heard you crying, so quietly last night  
Rest here, bring your head near  
You won't find your fears inside these arms  
Rest here, on my shoulder, dear  
I will comfort you from all the harm_

His eyes were starting to get wet. Why was the song so emotional? And had Chan made the song for Felix to sing? Or had the lyrics been for him? Felix would never be able to copy the genuineness and vulnerability in the lyrics and Chan’s voice.

So did Chan write the song for him? Felix’ heart started racing at the possibility of Chan writing such a sentimental song. When had he written it? Was he planning to show it to Felix soon? Was he going to confess his feelings?

Fact one: Chan had feelings for Felix.  
Fact two: Felix had feelings for Chan.

Both of these facts were true, but only Felix knew that. Chan was terrible at hiding his emotions and feelings, but with lifelong practice, Felix was quite good at hiding his thoughts. Chan probably still believed they would never be anything more than friends or brothers. Felix had been wanting to change that train of thoughts, but he couldn’t figure out how to approach the subject. An apparent love song was excuse enough in Felix’ books.

Feeling giddy, Felix replayed the song a few more times, focusing on the lyrics, the instrumental and Chan’s voice alternatively. It didn’t get any less mesmerising. The lyrics hit different, though. Felix wasn’t sure when Chan had written the song, but he imagined it was during Felix’ darkest days. The number of times Chan had walked in on him trying to stifle his sobs as he cried into his pillow at night had passed the point of being able to keep track of.

Felix waited until the dorm had quieted down. He had heard some members leave the dorm, and others retreated to their room. Felix pretended to be asleep when Chan entered their shared bedroom. Changbin hadn’t come in, and Felix concluded he had gone out with some of the others.

Normally, Chan didn’t immediately go to sleep. He usually plugged in his earphones and worked some more. Tonight was no different. Felix peeked at his phone under the covers. It was already nearing midnight. Talk about being a workaholic.

Felix wanted to wait until Chan was done for the night, though. Chan always got into a serious mood whenever he was working and Felix had already decided that he wanted Chan to be comfortable and relaxed when he was going to tell him he had listened to the song.

At nine past midnight, Felix heard Chan softly closing his laptop and manoeuvre his way unto the top bunk, getting under the covers and finding a comfortable position to sleep in. Felix waited for a few minutes. He knew Chan hadn’t fallen asleep yet. His insomnia would keep him up for another hour at least.

“Channie?” Felix called out softly. He heard Chan stir, but there was no response, so Felix repeated his name.

“Felix? Are you okay?”

Felix nodded, but then he realised Chan wouldn’t be able to see his movements, so he hummed. “Can we cuddle?”

“Of course.”

Chan had already thrown the duvet over himself for easy access. Once Felix had carefully slid in the bed next to Chan, he pulled him close. He knew how much Felix needed physical affection sometimes, especially when he was having a hard time.

“I thought you were asleep,” Chan commented as they settled into a comfortable position.  
Felix shook his head. “I couldn’t sleep.” The sound came out muffled because his face was nestled in the crook of Chan’s neck. “I was listening to some music.”

“What were you listening to?” Chan asked interestedly. Whenever someone mentioned music, in whatever form, Chan would immediately be interested and mix into the conversation.

“A song. It was about someone comforting their loved one.”

“Sounds like an emotional song.”

“It was. I cried.”

Chan let out a small chuckle. “You do cry easily, so I’m not surprised.” He squeezed Felix’ shoulder. “What was it called? Maybe I know it.”

“Heard You Crying,” Felix said quietly. Chan didn’t say anything but Felix heard the small intake of breath, now seemingly hitched in his throat. Neither of them said anything for a while. Then, Chan spoke up. His voice came out raspy.

“Where did you get that?”

“It was in the same folder as the new song,” Felix admitted. Chan let out a small groan, probably wanting to him himself in the head for being careless enough to leave the song in the folder he knew Felix was going to look in.

“Felix…” Chan started. “You weren’t supposed to hear that song.”

“I figured as much.”

“Why did you listen to it then?” The accusing tone did not go unnoticed by Felix.

“Because it was in my folder, so I thought it was okay. And then once I heard the first few words, I couldn’t stop listening.”

Chan inhaled sharply again and started pushing himself towards the wall, away from Felix. Felix closed his hand around Chan’s wrist and pulled him back so they were face-to-face.

“Don’t,” Chan warned.

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to have this conversation.”

“And what is this conversation then?” Felix asked innocently.

Chan sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “You are going to ask me if I wrote the song for  
you and I have to tell you the truth and say yes because any lie right now would sound implausible. And then I have to awkwardly tell you I’ve been in love with you since I first laid eyes on you and then I have to hear you say how flattered you are, but that you don’t think of me in that way, that you only see me a broth–”

Felix liked seeing Chan squirm, but not like this. Not while he was obviously in pain. He really thought Felix didn’t have any feelings for him.

Felix cut Chan off with a quick and gentle kiss on his lips. Chan startled and pulled his face back. “What are you doing?” he asked, the surprise clearly written on his face.

Felix snorted. “Kissing you.”

“Why?”

“Mister Big Brains over here,” Felix teased. He ruffled Chan’s hair. “Why would I ever tell you I don’t have feelings for you?”

“Y-you have f-feelings for me?” Chan stuttered. Felix answered by pressing another kiss to his lips. He laughed at Chan’s expression, but it got cut short as Chan pulled him close by his neck and kissed him with urgency. Felix sighed into the kiss and opened his mouth, letting Chan’s tongue in.

Felix pulled away from him before they could get ahead of themselves. Chan softly caressed Felix’ face with his hand, stroking his thumb over his cheek.

“You like me?” he asked.

“Very much so,” Felix said, pressing a kiss to Chan’s forehead. “When did you write the song?”

Chan buried his face in Felix’ chest, embarrassed by the question. “That night, before the show started airing, when you left the party early. You’d been talking about it the whole week but then you suddenly wanted to leave, so I followed you home. You were crying into your pillow.”

Felix smiled sadly. “I remember that night. I was terribly homesick.”

“Are you still?”

Felix shook his head and smiled, pressing himself closer to Chan. “I’m home now.”


End file.
